A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
