: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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