I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
