That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize