How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
