what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
