I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
