Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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