I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
