I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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