Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
