Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
