Your tits are I can't wait for
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
