cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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