i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
