The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
