You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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