i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
