I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
