): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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