No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
please come you make the beer taste better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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