You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
