p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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