so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
