take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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