I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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