As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
