Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
