you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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