Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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