He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
