will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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