thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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