She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
