See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
