A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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