I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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