Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
