Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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