I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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