Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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