I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
