"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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