don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
