is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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