someone get that fucking seahorse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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