Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize