I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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