we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
