So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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