His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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