4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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