Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
