Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.

(1-731): View more from Tennessee

ohh what kind?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I hope you meant gum...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

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(940): View more from Texas

He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?

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(850): View more from Florida

I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend

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(516): View more from New York

ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work

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