just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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