Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The feeling are messing with the penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
