where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
