My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
