If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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