its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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