I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
