Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
