In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
