i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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