OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
