dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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